…I wander through my house at night, in the dark, working over the words always trying to get out. Sometimes the energy of my thoughts will not allow me just to sit and ponder. Ironically, the second this title popped into my head this morning, I tripped over a fucking garbage bag I forgot to put out yesterday, and almost fell on my head. Go figure. I need some more shit in my way apparently. (smart mouthy biatch) However, since it came to me in such a way… I’ll have to write the damn thing now. It will be as much of a surprise to me, as it was to trip over something I had placed in my own way…
~I Can See In The Dark~
I wander looking, longing.. dreaming..
for the words I cannot say.
I can see in the dark.. I can show you the way.
Searching gazing, glaring.. into the black highway.
I wander hunting, tracking, trailing..
lost emotions I cannot feel.
I can see in the dark.. I can help you to heal.
Searching gazing, glaring..
into the night highway.
I wander feeling, touching..
the words I now can say.
I can see in the dark.. I now know the way.
Searching gazing, glaring..
into the night highway.
~©Jazzi Ryan Ranes
I wrote Chapter 1 of Book 2 today. I had been sure it would be Auggie who would start things off, but that was not to be. Jonathan had ended Book 1, and it was only fitting that he start Book 2. I didn’t know Jon was going to take the lead until I wrote the first paragraph.
I should have seen it coming though, as these Masterson men have a way about them, and tended to get their way whenever the mood so suited them. The Rain Master revealed some things in this beginning chapter I hadn’t seen coming until he let me in on them.
These revelations inadvertently set the entire storyline in a direction I had felt from the edges of my psyche from the very beginning of Book 1. Not all things have been uncovered, however, and I expect the thrill of finding these things out will come to me in bursts and waves.
I’m generally in the dark until one of these people let me in on their thoughts, and feel like things are creeping around the corners of their minds that have not found their way into the light yet. I am off and running when I’m not being chased around the table and know this book is going to be one hell of a ride.
~©Jazzi Ryan Ranes~
I didn’t sleep well last night, as my mind worked over a plot issue. There is a serious problem with the Masterson & Sons largest shareholder, and I didn’t know what I was going to do with the thing. I was surprised to learn that Lucien has an idea of the bigger picture. I knew he was an extremely talented empath, but what he found out last night convinced me he was incredibly good at reading at a distance. Jon had hinted at this unrealized power in the last chapter of Book 1, but it is only now making some sense to me. The solution has not been found, but the wheels have been set into motion. I will need to write the family meeting chapter where they all discuss this problem to see what will have to be done about it.
This book is coming together in an entirely different manner than the first one. The first one I mostly wrote chapter to chapter chronologically, as it should be. But this book? I’m all over the place writing chapters out of order, yet perfectly crafted so they will fit together like puzzle pieces once the “rest of the story” clarifies itself in my mind. It feels like if I don’t write a chapter living down the timeline somewhere when it is ready to be written, then I may risk losing the emotion and importance around it. If Jon taught me anything at all in the writing of this saga, it’s to follow my intuition and intelligence and not be afraid to speak the truth no matter where it leads. In Jonathan’s world, the truth is everything.
~©Jazzi Ryan Ranes~
Just a thought here, kind of out of the blue. But it will give you some insight into some things about me. So if I go off and write some stream of consciousness thing at you, know yer getting a look inside my psyche whatever the subject may be.
Why the aka? Why fly incognito wearin’ the shades? Concealing my given name and my present physical reality? Why open this battered door anyway? Who gives a damn, right? Well here’s this. Because I am Jazzi but Jazzi is not me. Makes no immediate sense right? It will in a little bit maybe. Hell, maybe you already starting to get my vibe. We’ll see…
I project this persona, this alternate or twin soul, twin flame, wtf ever, who lives inside me because I have to just a little while or a lot. At least until these fractured pieces of me stop standing beside each other and finally integrate. Assimilate. Become one and become whole.
Besides that my writing is going to creep around in some strange, dark corners every once in a while and I need to think of other people in my life and any afterburner trails I may leave behind. I don’t hold with most of the hammered in beliefs that the pack usually follow and I don’t want to scorch their personal beliefs or hurt anyone’s feelings.
The sometimes searing, rarified air of taboo meanderings that may potentially erupt, the side of me who thinks they’re a little comedic but really comes off just a little far over the edge to be funny. These things need not enter their airspace or their aura unless they want it to and think they can breathe.
You need not be here. Future writings will tell that story better. I’m not here for the dollars although the dollars would be nice. I love you all, already, you damn heathens you. You got Soul Baes…you got Love.
Smooth, soulful soft instrumental jazz, preferably performed with saxophone and or guitar, has been my sensual go to music for almost thirty years. I started out as a child loving Chet Atkins and The Ventures. Both instrumental guitar performers. Yakety Sax was a favored tune. I evolved into the likes of Yanni and David Arkenstone and continued to explore. I played a little guitar and keyboard myself. I named a dog with one blue eye and one brown, Jazzy. Jazzi is the woman of passion, heat, fiery seduction, waterfalls, serene mountain lakes and unusual thought processes. A black cat owns her, she is Taurus, and she has deep dreams. She reaches out her palms in supplication even knowing she will be cut. She bleeds hot tears and ink, but she cleans up after herself.
Now Ryan, well he is my reincarnated male soul, or perhaps my baser id…the dark side, the dirty injun boy…the side that will tie you up. He has hard techno, bass beat, dance and synth blaring in his headphones and it will be primarily instrumental as well. Ryan wants everything, right now and will take it if you don’t give it. He will lay you down in the dirt if that’s where you happen to flip his switch. He is the little girl who hated to play with dolls, wouldn’t wear dresses, played with Tonka toys in the dirt and fought in grade school. Mom hated that I read MAD magazine and I hated that I thought it was cool. I loved Stephen King, Clive Barker, and Dean Koontz, while they read Judy Blume, Shel Silverstein, and Teen Beat. The nightmares, the fantasies, the man I always wished I could find. He leaves a mess wherever he goes.
Ranes? So much going on there I don’t know if I can even explain. Rayne is all of it, everything, every last atom of my being. My spirit, my soul, my quantum entanglement. Rayne embodies all fractured facets of my personality and allows me to speak my voice finally. Sometimes she dances naked in the rain while lightning and thunder crash down. Sometimes he is soft rain on a tin roof taking you for the very first time. She will remain loyal to you despite how badly you treat her. He will go off and fuck somebody else just to spite you. She likes sunsets, and he likes sunrises. Rayne will listen to any kind of music if it touches the soul. She loves to read and write and swim in rivers, lakes, and streams. He enjoys long walks in the forest, mountain vistas and home cooked meals. Rayne is complicated, and you never know what she/he is thinking.
So there you have it. Or some of it anyway. These meanderings don’t really cover it, and there is so much more I could never express. That’s why I write words. I find that I can write with confidence from either a female or male point of view. Words are the only way these personality aspects can interact. They seem to be the only things that even come close.
Sorry, not sorry I just dripped ink, tears, blood, and cum on your chest. It should come off with a little cold water and some scrubbing.
~©Jazzi Ryan Ranes~
I got my Book 2 folders set up today. I had a mess of sloppy seconds laying around in my Book 1 folders, so I had to bring some order to my thoughts.
I finally got the courage to dive head first into the swirling black hole that is Rayne Masterson. I already went there with him but not with him, in Book 1. Goddamn him anyway. Freak boy. He changed the entire layout of this saga in just a few short hours and wrecked me into a pole. Left me in the dark, dripping hot fuel and engine smoke, not knowing where it’s all going, or what vehicle to take now that he crashed this one for me.
I feel like, at this point, that I have to allow myself to go ahead and start writing Book 2. I’ve been holding back the urge, and it is not going to happen any longer. I have to let the flow…flow. I see where I have to begin in the first chapter, and this story is literally burning to be told.
It fires molten lava at me just missing, warning me to get my shit together or get singed. The supernaturally charged empathic powers have ramped up, and these characters know each other inside out.
Rayne. Rain Man. In your face, Rayne decided he had to get a couple of chapters in ahead of schedule, demanding fuck that he is, and so I gave him what he wanted. I’ve been wanting to get down and dirty on him for a long time. He needs time to heal now before I let him out to play again. He’s been chasing me around the table for weeks now, and he got what he deserved.
I can thank this character who has lived inside me for 25 years, sustaining me with the promise of life, from the depths of my soul. Why? Because he just leveled this baby up into the stratosphere and earned a place on my dedication page even though he is a fictional character. Rayne and Jonathan spring from the same character development and that is why they are so similar and yet so very fucking different.
August will start things off in his soothing, intelligent tone. He has grown as a man, as a lover, as a husband and as a caregiver for the entire clan. He has some authority and control in this family now, and a lot will ride on sweet Auggie’s shoulders in this book. He has the ancient supernatural ability to heal and can see into the depths of every mind in this family with clarity and ease.
Jon taught him well, but August came into his own the night of the entangled minds wedding. He ultimately will be responsible for the continuation of the family line as will our dark, dirty boy, Rayne. August is the light, Rayne is the dark. Both are necessary for the space and time warping nature of the Rain Master’s legacy.
I have continued to edit Book 1, but have slowed down the pace to let things brew. The editing is almost a mindless task, at this point, as it mostly comes down to punctuation and the separating of a few long paragraphs. Punctuation handled primarily by the Grammarly keyboard.
I am learning fast how to get the style right the first time though, and have less to correct later. A process I have come to find comfortable, in comparison, to the emotions I have to put myself through to make my people come alive, so my writing sings in harmony. This book will be a tight one when the last word drops, and there won’t be much left to do but bask in the afterglow.
~© Jazzi Ryan Ranes~
Now it was time to go back to the shop and clean up the sawdust. Half used ideas lay scattered on the floor and partially sawed words littered the work table. There was a messy pile of shitty ideas tossed in one corner, and I thought I would throw them in the junk drawer with the half used batteries. Maybe they still had a little juice in them I could use if I didn’t forget where they were.
Run on sentences and grammatical errors were stacked neatly to one side. These could be fixed, and there was no need to throw them in the trash. I grabbed my broom and began to sweep up the misspelled words and scraps of unrealized thoughts. Something was missing, and I gazed at the work table for a moment. There, behind a poorly shaped paragraph, lay a tight, square paragraph that I had almost missed. I slipped it in my pocket to work on later. I had to clean up the mess I had made here before I could turn around and make another.
I scooped up the pile I would discard and threw it in the bin. There were still dusty letters lying here and there, but they were bothering no one, and maybe I would need them later. I patted my breast pocket to make sure the word packet was still there and turned to leave the room. I took one last glance before I turned out the light. The sawdust had been cleared, and the editing process could begin. I was satisfied. I turned out the thoughts, closed the door, and lay down to sleep.
~© Jazzi Ryan Ranes~
I finished writing Book 1 today. I am not sure how I feel. A little nauseated, elated, depressed. Stoned, Stunned and Staggered. Whew, what a ride!! I left the story wide open and Book 2 teases me, urging me dive head first into the writing. I know better though. Book 1 would have been finished a month ago had I not delved into poetry and essay writing so completely. Wrote hells of stuff that will never see the light of day.
Also I was blocked for a bit in the storyline. I know now why I was having trouble with the last 3 chapters. I needed 4. I was unintentionally constraining myself by not adding one more chapter. However, I’ve added chapters before because one of them gets all pissy wanting a chapter to themselves. I had to end Book 1 somewhere though.
Also I had completely reformatted my website to perform better and look more professional. Had crafted a Facebook and Twitter account for my writings and had worked to gain a following. Helped my son get his Phoetry Facebook page off the ground as a background administrator and researched book publishers and alternate publishing ideas. I’m not really that far into my learning of the publishing world so plan to take my time. I want to make sure my first book is as perfect as I can make it before I turn it loose.
Now it is time for me to get all wordprocessy and edit the entire book. I’ve learned some things on this journey. I think, with a little help from Grammarly, that I’m capable of fixing some run on sentences and grammatical errors. Fortunately, correct spelling has never been an issue for me, so any oddly crafted words in my writings are entirely of my own creative process.
~© Jazzi Ryan Ranes ~2018~
I finished writing Chapter 45 last night. One more chapter to go in this book. Book 2 is already trying to horn it’s way in on my concentration. But I’ll just take notes as my baes speak to my heart. Plenty of time for the second book. I actually gave up for the evening when my autocorrect started acting silly. Sometimes I’ll get to typing so fast it will just give me a string of ??? marks or random letters. But this evening, it was out to get me.
Time to consummate the vows.
Time to consolidate the cows.
I just can’t compete with that.
~©Jazzi Ryan Ranes~