Jazzi’s Acid- *4* 💥
…And why do some air fresheners smell so good in the store and then smell like ass when you spray them around your home? Truth in advertising should be a law. They shouldn’t be allowed to sell a product that smells worse than the chili-boiled egg-beer fart you chased your homies out of the room with during Sunday’s game.
The air “freshener” I tried today.. and I won’t name names, but they have an air freshener called crisp waters, and they really should have named it dirty toilet water, ass de’aroma or bracing sewage gas. It was fucking terrible! I thought the septic tank had backed up. Seriously. Now, I hate to throw out a whole can of pressurized turdscents. I prefer these cans of crap that are under pressure to be empty before I toss them in the garbage. So, I’m gonna let the evil, crisp brown waters sit on my shelf until I get the courage to take it outside and spray it away.
#smartass
🔥 If you want to follow me on social media, you can go to Facespace here,
And if you wanna be a Tweep, here,
WordPress
jazziryanranes.com
Love,
~©Jazzi Ryan Ranes~
Jazzi’s Acid – *3* 💥
You: I’m not someone you should put on speakerphone.
Me: I’m not someone you should put on the phone at all.
💥
*unfriended*
🔥 If you want to follow me on social media, you can go to facespace here,
And if you wanna be a tweep, here,
Website…
WordPress
Love,
~©Jazzi Ryan Ranes~
~10 Visionaries~ Part 2
I had to think a little longer about who I wanted on this list of seekers. This post only includes ten people because the thing was getting long and it was getting too long for one post. I feel like I should include more women this time around, as men dominated the first visionaries post.
I admit I had quite a bit of frenetic brain strain working this one out. I wracked my brain for days on this, where the prior post flew out of me in just a few short hours.
It was so difficult for me because I don’t relate well to women. I am a women and I know how we are. Despite having to use my brain more than I was used to on this post, I finally pulled it kicking and bitching, out of my head. These people, men and women alike, have and have had, what it takes to be considered a visionary. In my book, anywho. Here we go.
Capt. Amy Bauernschmidt. The first woman in Navy history to hold the title of executive officer, or XO, of a nuclear warship. This incredible woman broke through the male dominated glass ceiling of Navy leadership. She leads with strength, humility and compassion. It has not been easy but she has the respect. Find Amy’s story here:
And here:
Michio Kaku. Futurist, scientist, science fiction expert, theoretical physicist, bestselling author, popular public personality. Creator of accessible physics for everyone. His vision is to be part of and perhaps complete, Einstein’s vision of a “Theory of Everything”. A single perfect equation which will unify all the fundamental forces in the universe.
Elena Verlee. I just recently found out about her and I admire her ambition and vision. Here is her story.
*”Here is her brief bio: Elena Verlee is passionate about helping even the most ordinary business become well-known and sought after through the power of publicity. She is a Visa Business Network blogger, named in Forbes.com as one of “20 Women for Entrepreneurs to follow on Twitter”, and honored in PR Web’s “25 Essential PR Blogs You Should Be Reading.” Elena authors the blog PR in Your Pajamas and is a serial entrepreneur who has built a 7-figure business from home, and has sold two of her own businesses for 6-figures. She has two young kids and recently finished her first triathlon after finally learning to swim in her 40’s.”* courtesy of…
Stan Lee. (Stanley Martin Lieber) R.I.P. ~Dec 28, 1922 ~ Nov 12, 2018~.
Legendary Marvel Comics co-creator Stan Lee, famous for creating some of the worlds most iconic superheroes including but not limited to… Spider-Man, Iron Man, the X-Men and the Incredible Hulk, died Monday. He was 95.
Ellen DeGeneres. I could go into all the reasons I believe this incredible woman should be on this list but I’m just going to give you a couple links to find out more. If you don’t already know a thing or two about Ellen, then you’ve been living under a rock, in a cave, on Mars.
Steve Martin. There is no comic out there who will ever be able to pull off the arrow through the head routine and nail it like Steve. Multi-talented actor, master of comical and serious roles, standup comedian, Steve acts with his expressive face as much as he delivers the lines. And he is a damned good banjo player.
Speaking of guys who could act with their face… Rodney Dangerfield (Jack Roy). I hope you never have to say, “I don’t get no respect!”, wherever you are. I’ll bet you got ’em laughing. R.I.P. them to their knees with humor, bro.
Elvis Presley. I don’t like to put rock stars in a visionaries post but this man is an exception. What a vocal range and so very expressive. Elvis couldn’t act for shit but he sure could carry the tune. The man could sing anything. You coulda dropped a grocery list in front of him and he would have sang it beautifully. Lived hard, died too young. Just like a lot of great musicians did. Was Elvis a true visionary? No, not really. He was just blessed with an angel’s voice and extreme good looks. But for every song sang and every wiggle of the hips, he certainly caused visions in many a girls head. So yes he was a visionary.
*Update*
President Trump has selected Elvis Presley as one of seven recipients of the Presidential Medal of Freedom.
The award is the nation’s highest civilian honor, awarded to “individuals who have made especially meritorious contributions to the security or national interests of the United States, to world peace, or to cultural or other significant public or private endeavors.”
Paranormal Researchers. Every since people realized there was more going on in the attic than restless bats, humanity has searched for proof of the afterlife. Today’s paranormal investigators are some of the most innovative, intuitive, visionary souls you will ever find. They continue to develop new tools, new ideas and theories, new experiments, all in the search for continued life after death in the unknown realms. Some paranormalists are even so good at their research, they document and quantify their results just as a mainstream scientist would. And yet, about half the population refuse to believe in the paranormal despite overwhelming proof to the contrary. And that goes for aliens, ufos, and Bigfoot, too.
Every individual who was involved in the design and building of the pyramids and every other structure that’s been around for a bazillion years and is still standing. You know how to rock a stone ax, ancestors.
~©Jazzi Ryan Ranes~
~How To Handle A Pizza~
I am so glad they put this on the bottom of the box where I couldn’t see it. I wasn’t sure how I was gonna get this pizza out of the pizza shop.
©Jazzi Ryan Ranes
~Random Brainless Thoughts: Warning Labels~
Warning labels have never impressed me. People tend to act stupid and they can’t even read, or don’t want to. Sometimes they head so far up they ass they can see their own belly button. From the inside. Some people collect *Darwin Awards like I collect words.
I mean tide pods, dude. Do you really have to tell people not to eat those? And to keep them out of your kids reach? What ever happened to Mr. Yuk stickers? Get some, use them, and teach yer brats what they mean. Keep your kids away from your guns, drugs and sex life, people.
I saw a label on an iron packaging box, and I shit you not, it said, Do not iron clothing while wearing them. True story. …Danger. Do not hold the wrong end of chainsaw. Okay, I’ll keep that in mind.
And this one here… Do Not Swallow. …on the label of a hanger from a dry cleaner. You can swallow a hanger? I learn something new every day. Scariest part of this story? Somebody did this shit or there wouldn’t be a label. You got an extra *Darwin Award laying around?
Do we really need a label on that plastic packaging bag telling us NOT to put it over our head and suffocate to death? If you’re letting your kids play with stuff that needs a warning label, then you’re part of the problem.
How about this. “This product rolls when used.”…on a package of marbles. I’ll remember that the next time my square marbles start to roll away. I saw an egg carton that informed me there were eggs inside. I’m glad you told me that because I wasn’t sure what I was getting.
This is a good one. Product will be hot after cooking. You know, I’m thinking you may be right. A plastic bottle of soda with a bright red label that said, Warning – Drink then swallow. Swallowing is a reflex you dumb motherfu…. I thought I would chew mine if that’s okay.
And why do we have to have a sign that says, *Hair dryers for hair on head use only.* Well then. Or a tag that warns us not to use a hairdryer while sleeping? I’ll have to try that sometime since you said I shouldn’t. I didn’t know there were so many uses for a common hair dryer.
Maybe they should put one on boxes of bullets saying, *Too much lead is bad for your diet.*
Why don’t we take some of the labels off and let the morons sort themselves out of the gene pool? And don’t shoot the messenger…I’m just sayin’.
*https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darwin_Awards
You have pets? Remember they can’t read. They tend to be smarter than us in many ways. They even have a label on dog’s pills that warn to “Use care when driving a car or operating dangerous machinery. Alcohol may intensify the effect”. Even so, they don’t know that antifreeze can kill them. You keep some common sense about you and you’ll save a lot of heartache.
A final tip? Just don’t use the product if you can’t read.
~©Jazzi Ryan Ranes~
~20 Visionaries~ Part 1
I don’t necessarily hold with all the beliefs of these seekers, not all the time and maybe even none of the time. Depends on my frame of mind and whether I’m having a good hair day or not. So I’m not endorsing or dissing anyone on my list of visionaries. But I do recognize over the top genius when I see it. Here are a few who rolled up their sleeves and left a mark on the back side of humanity.
Nikola Tesla.
Over the top genius doesn’t begin to describe this man. He invented things that would have freed humanity from many modern struggles, had he not been robbed of them and stunted from ever growing to his maximum potential. He died in poverty and sloth. He was a sharp one he was. I would’ve like to seen him have some rein.
Albert Einstein.
What list would be complete, right? Like the man above, he just needed more time.
Paul Harvey was a visionary, if you could hang out long enough to hear the rest of the story. So was Robin Williams and Bugs Bunny. Bugs was so cool he could ice you before you knew what hit you. The Tasmanian Devil ran you over with nonsensical gibberish, but you somehow knew where he was coming from.
Jim Carrey almost reached enlightenment but he was just too damned silly and he started to crash. Like poor Robin up there. Like wtf dude. Did funny hurt that bad? You comedians have it rough. Speaking of comedy genius, Carol Burnett and Tim Conway, Vicki Lawrence and Harvey Korman. If you’re too young to remember them, go to YouTube and check them out.
Arthur Conan Doyle. Sherlock Holmes. Need I say more.
Edgar Allen Poe.
So much more than a horror story writer. Check this link for a story of a man I bet you didn’t know.
https://mdtcreative.com/2017/09/28/edgar-allan-poe-the-master-of-mystery-and-the-macabre/
Pablo Picasso.
Until just recently I didn’t think much of him but a little research and a deeper look at his art, revealed a true creative genius. The man didn’t just scribble on paper. Check this out for a bit more.
Showcase: Pablo Picasso as a child
Edvard “The Scream” Munch.
The Scream. The German title he gave these various works is Der Schrei der Natur, which means -The Scream of Nature-.
Same deal as Pablo but dark and creepy.
Marquis De Sade.
Don’t look at me like that. I can see you’re uncomfortable. Hear me out. Dude had mad erotic skills. Get back over here you, I said. Let me explain.
The Marquis De Sade had a deep profound knowledge of human sexuality, human behaviour, and the basest of all human desires. He was a lustful heathen and he did not give a good damn what anyone thought. It felt fucking good and he was gonna do it.
A couple quotes might explain why I dig his hedonistic soul.
“When she’s abandoned her moral center and teachings…when she’s cast aside her facade of propriety and lady-like demeanor…when I have so corrupted this fragile thing and brought out a writhing, mewling, bucking, wanton whore for my enjoyment and pleasure…..enticing from within this feral lioness…growling and scratching and biting…taking everything I dish out to her…..at that moment she is never more beautiful to me.”
-Marquis de Sade-
…and this.
“My manner of thinking, so you say, cannot be approved. Do you suppose I care? A poor fool indeed is he who adopts a manner of thinking for others!”
-Marquis de Sade-
…and one more.
“Either kill me or take me as I am, because I’ll be damned if I ever change.”
-Marquis de Sade-
And speaking of people who knew about sex. Dr. Ruth.
Gene Roddenberry and Stephen King mastered the term IMHO. Gene’s Star Trek worlds have come to pass in many ways and more of it has yet to be created. Inspiring? You bet your ass. Stephen King. omg do I even have to explain? Dark, horrific worlds made so excruciatingly real… What goes on in your head dark master, when you turn out the lights? What dies on the cutting room floor out of those epic stories? What monsters haunt you?
Foster Brooks. No introduction needed.
~©Jazzi Ryan Ranes~
Jazzi’s Acid – *2* 💥
You: I’m having an elegant wine dinner with my besties.
Me: You’re having pizza and strawberry hill with your 3 dogs and 5 cats.
💥
*unfriended*
🔥 If you want to follow me on social media, you can go to Facespace here,
And if you wanna be a tweep, here,
Website…
Love,
~©Jazzi Ryan Ranes~
~My Eyeballs Hurt~
I said I would write a poem called my eyes balls hurt when and if my eyeballs didn’t hurt.
Instead, my swollen burning orbs rolled dry for a moment,
I had to,
I had to get down the silly words…
I can’t see my phone right now,
my teary eyeballs refuse,
but at least I got my fingers and I still have my muse.
~©Jazzi Ryan Ranes~
Jazzi’s Acid – *1* 💥
You: I’m having fancy white albacore and sipping a microbrew.
Me: You’re eating tuna out of a can and sucking down a bud light.
💥
*unfriended*
Love,
©Jazzi Ryan Ranes
