Have you seen the names they’re giving marijuana nowadays? People name weed strains like they name racehorses. Fabulous poetic words that help to make the horse stand out amongst the others. And nine times out of ten, the name has nothing to do with the animal at all.
As the miracle plant takes hold and gains legality across our planet, branding has become all important. You want your tag to blow smoke in your customers face. You want the pot description to sound like what it does and give them a contact high. Get folks to buy Your shit, man.
*So with that temporarily in mind, here are some names my friend and I came up with while messaging our unusual, stream of consciousness thoughts back and forth one early morning. I can’t say if any of these are already out there. If they are, I don’t mean to bogart your greens. If not, they should be. And now I present, in no particular order of bleary-eyed importance…
~112 weed strains that haven’t been grown yet.~
1. I See Pizzas
2. Four Eyes
3. Cooked Pasta
5. Brain Food
6. Did I Just Eat That
7. Glass Eyes
8. Three Days Later
9. Apocalypse Now
10. The Pizza Made Me Do It
11. Stupid Grin
12. Cookie Monster
13. Nine Lives
15. Haunted Haze
16. Good N Plenty
17. Goodie Two Shoes
18. Mary’s Lost Baggie
19. Mary Jane’s Happy Dance
20. Mary Jane’s Cupboard
21. Mother Nature
22. Pass The Chips
23. Stale Potato Chips
24. The Dog Ate My Stash
25. Couch Lock
26. High Way
28. Grandpa’s Cane
30. The Game Of Stones
32. Flower Child
33. High Sight Is 20/20
34. Double Vision
35. I Can’t Find My Face
36. I Can’t Feel My Ass
37. Lazy Boy
38. Floating Weeds
39. Short-Term Memory Loss
40. Baked Beans
41. Ghost Candy
42. This Bowls For You
43. My Joints Are Stiff
45. Windows 3000
46. Caroline’s Window Box
47. Lawn Grass
48. Bogart’s Revenge
49. Silly Putty
50. Fried Brain Sandwiches
51. Don’t Eat The Koolaid
52. Winter Frost
53. Garden Weeds
54. Fantasy Island
55. Pinned To The Wall
56. Floppy French Fries
57. Vacation Days
58. Dry Mouth
60. Best Buds
61. Wilted Flowers
62. The Hills Have Highs
63. Greener Pastures
64. Mount Rush More
65. Rainbow Smoke
66. You Are Here
67. Lazy 420
68. Space Trees
69. Healthy Greens
70. Too Stoned To Text
71. X-Ray Vision
72. Heavy Eyelids
73. Are We There Yet
74. Red Eyed Beast
75. The Blunt Truth
76. Autumn Leaves
77. Stonewall Jackson
78. Harvey Wallbanger
79. Cream Puffs
80. Red Sunset
81. Blank TV Screen
83. Green Pieces
84. Contact High
85. Buzz Bunny
86. Comic Relief
87. Where The Fuck Am I
88. Time Traveler
89. Wild Fire
90. *Buzzy Bee*
91. Too High To Blink
92. Catnip Acres
93. Black Panther Kitties
94. Pot Of Gold
95. Cross-Eyed Pink Dragons
96. Puffy McPufferson
98. Fishing For Kitties
99. *T. H. Seas*
100. Party Plants
101. Three Days In The Joint
102. Laughing Grass
103. Afraid To Go To The Mailbox
104. Where Did I Put The Remote
105. Is This Sandwich Still Good
106. Spooky Action At A Distance
107. I Forgot What I Was Going To Say
108. Rolled Too Tight
109. Buzz Buddies
110. Happy Trees
111. Dome Baggie
112. All Fucked Up & No Place To Go
*A couple of those might be better suited to edibles…
Make of that what you will, but hey man… Name the stuff and let the stoners figure out what it means. A week later.
*Don’t steal our shit, man. We don’t have a stash.
~…a long time coming so don’t harsh the buzz.~
~…a little bit of experience and a whole lot of burning imagination.~
*All material copy written in a cloud of smoke.
*Original comedy routine, based on this random foggy brain matter, coming soon to a blank computer screen near you. Stay untuned for a YouTube video early 3019…er 2019. Whatever.
© Jazzi Ryan Ranes 2018
© Joe Jones 2018
© Joe In The Dark (the teddy bear with teeth) 2018
© T. H. Seas 2018
© Buzzy Bee Productions 2018
~All rights reserved.~
I had to think a little longer about who I wanted on this list of seekers. This post only includes ten people because the thing was getting long and it was getting too long for one post. I feel like I should include more women this time around, as men dominated the first visionaries post.
I admit I had quite a bit of frenetic brain strain working this one out. I wracked my brain for days on this, where the prior post flew out of me in just a few short hours.
It was so difficult for me because I don’t relate well to women. I am a women and I know how we are. Despite having to use my brain more than I was used to on this post, I finally pulled it kicking and bitching, out of my head. These people, men and women alike, have and have had, what it takes to be considered a visionary. In my book, anywho. Here we go.
Capt. Amy Bauernschmidt. The first woman in Navy history to hold the title of executive officer, or XO, of a nuclear warship. This incredible woman broke through the male dominated glass ceiling of Navy leadership. She leads with strength, humility and compassion. It has not been easy but she has the respect. Find Amy’s story here:
Michio Kaku. Futurist, scientist, science fiction expert, theoretical physicist, bestselling author, popular public personality. Creator of accessible physics for everyone. His vision is to be part of and perhaps complete, Einstein’s vision of a “Theory of Everything”. A single perfect equation which will unify all the fundamental forces in the universe.
Elena Verlee. I just recently found out about her and I admire her ambition and vision. Here is her story.
*”Here is her brief bio: Elena Verlee is passionate about helping even the most ordinary business become well-known and sought after through the power of publicity. She is a Visa Business Network blogger, named in Forbes.com as one of “20 Women for Entrepreneurs to follow on Twitter”, and honored in PR Web’s “25 Essential PR Blogs You Should Be Reading.” Elena authors the blog PR in Your Pajamas and is a serial entrepreneur who has built a 7-figure business from home, and has sold two of her own businesses for 6-figures. She has two young kids and recently finished her first triathlon after finally learning to swim in her 40’s.”* courtesy of…
Stan Lee. (Stanley Martin Lieber) R.I.P. ~Dec 28, 1922 ~ Nov 12, 2018~.
Legendary Marvel Comics co-creator Stan Lee, famous for creating some of the worlds most iconic superheroes including but not limited to… Spider-Man, Iron Man, the X-Men and the Incredible Hulk, died Monday. He was 95.
Ellen DeGeneres. I could go into all the reasons I believe this incredible woman should be on this list but I’m just going to give you a couple links to find out more. If you don’t already know a thing or two about Ellen, then you’ve been living under a rock, in a cave, on Mars.
Steve Martin. There is no comic out there who will ever be able to pull off the arrow through the head routine and nail it like Steve. Multi-talented actor, master of comical and serious roles, standup comedian, Steve acts with his expressive face as much as he delivers the lines. And he is a damned good banjo player.
Speaking of guys who could act with their face… Rodney Dangerfield (Jack Roy). I hope you never have to say, “I don’t get no respect!”, wherever you are. I’ll bet you got ’em laughing. R.I.P. them to their knees with humor, bro.
Elvis Presley. I don’t like to put rock stars in a visionaries post but this man is an exception. What a vocal range and so very expressive. Elvis couldn’t act for shit but he sure could carry the tune. The man could sing anything. You coulda dropped a grocery list in front of him and he would have sang it beautifully. Lived hard, died too young. Just like a lot of great musicians did. Was Elvis a true visionary? No, not really. He was just blessed with an angel’s voice and extreme good looks. But for every song sang and every wiggle of the hips, he certainly caused visions in many a girls head. So yes he was a visionary.
President Trump has selected Elvis Presley as one of seven recipients of the Presidential Medal of Freedom.
The award is the nation’s highest civilian honor, awarded to “individuals who have made especially meritorious contributions to the security or national interests of the United States, to world peace, or to cultural or other significant public or private endeavors.”
Paranormal Researchers. Every since people realized there was more going on in the attic than restless bats, humanity has searched for proof of the afterlife. Today’s paranormal investigators are some of the most innovative, intuitive, visionary souls you will ever find. They continue to develop new tools, new ideas and theories, new experiments, all in the search for continued life after death in the unknown realms. Some paranormalists are even so good at their research, they document and quantify their results just as a mainstream scientist would. And yet, about half the population refuse to believe in the paranormal despite overwhelming proof to the contrary. And that goes for aliens, ufos, and Bigfoot, too.
Every individual who was involved in the design and building of the pyramids and every other structure that’s been around for a bazillion years and is still standing. You know how to rock a stone ax, ancestors.
~©Jazzi Ryan Ranes~
I am so glad they put this on the bottom of the box where I couldn’t see it. I wasn’t sure how I was gonna get this pizza out of the pizza shop.
©Jazzi Ryan Ranes
Okay. I’m sorry but I just found this way too hilarious not to share. Your welcome.
~©Jazzi Ryan Ranes~
I don’t necessarily hold with all the beliefs of these seekers, not all the time and maybe even none of the time. Depends on my frame of mind and whether I’m having a good hair day or not. So I’m not endorsing or dissing anyone on my list of visionaries. But I do recognize over the top genius when I see it. Here are a few who rolled up their sleeves and left a mark on the back side of humanity.
Over the top genius doesn’t begin to describe this man. He invented things that would have freed humanity from many modern struggles, had he not been robbed of them and stunted from ever growing to his maximum potential. He died in poverty and sloth. He was a sharp one he was. I would’ve like to seen him have some rein.
What list would be complete, right? Like the man above, he just needed more time.
Paul Harvey was a visionary, if you could hang out long enough to hear the rest of the story. So was Robin Williams and Bugs Bunny. Bugs was so cool he could ice you before you knew what hit you. The Tasmanian Devil ran you over with nonsensical gibberish, but you somehow knew where he was coming from.
Jim Carrey almost reached enlightenment but he was just too damned silly and he started to crash. Like poor Robin up there. Like wtf dude. Did funny hurt that bad? You comedians have it rough. Speaking of comedy genius, Carol Burnett and Tim Conway, Vicki Lawrence and Harvey Korman. If you’re too young to remember them, go to YouTube and check them out.
Arthur Conan Doyle. Sherlock Holmes. Need I say more.
Edgar Allen Poe.
So much more than a horror story writer. Check this link for a story of a man I bet you didn’t know.
Until just recently I didn’t think much of him but a little research and a deeper look at his art, revealed a true creative genius. The man didn’t just scribble on paper. Check this out for a bit more.
Edvard “The Scream” Munch.
The Scream. The German title he gave these various works is Der Schrei der Natur, which means -The Scream of Nature-.
Same deal as Pablo but dark and creepy.
Marquis De Sade.
Don’t look at me like that. I can see you’re uncomfortable. Hear me out. Dude had mad erotic skills. Get back over here you, I said. Let me explain.
The Marquis De Sade had a deep profound knowledge of human sexuality, human behaviour, and the basest of all human desires. He was a lustful heathen and he did not give a good damn what anyone thought. It felt fucking good and he was gonna do it.
A couple quotes might explain why I dig his hedonistic soul.
“When she’s abandoned her moral center and teachings…when she’s cast aside her facade of propriety and lady-like demeanor…when I have so corrupted this fragile thing and brought out a writhing, mewling, bucking, wanton whore for my enjoyment and pleasure…..enticing from within this feral lioness…growling and scratching and biting…taking everything I dish out to her…..at that moment she is never more beautiful to me.”
-Marquis de Sade-
“My manner of thinking, so you say, cannot be approved. Do you suppose I care? A poor fool indeed is he who adopts a manner of thinking for others!”
-Marquis de Sade-
…and one more.
“Either kill me or take me as I am, because I’ll be damned if I ever change.”
-Marquis de Sade-
And speaking of people who knew about sex. Dr. Ruth.
Gene Roddenberry and Stephen King mastered the term IMHO. Gene’s Star Trek worlds have come to pass in many ways and more of it has yet to be created. Inspiring? You bet your ass. Stephen King. omg do I even have to explain? Dark, horrific worlds made so excruciatingly real… What goes on in your head dark master, when you turn out the lights? What dies on the cutting room floor out of those epic stories? What monsters haunt you?
Foster Brooks. No introduction needed.
~©Jazzi Ryan Ranes~