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November 17, 2018

~Mary Jane’s Words~ (or writings by T. H. Seas)

by Jazzi Ryan Ranes

Have you seen the names they’re giving marijuana nowadays? People name weed strains like they name racehorses. Fabulous poetic words that help to make the horse stand out amongst the others. And nine times out of ten, the name has nothing to do with the animal at all.

As the miracle plant takes hold and gains legality across our planet, branding has become all important. You want your tag to blow smoke in your customers face. You want the pot description to sound like what it does and give them a contact high. Get folks to buy Your shit, man.

*So with that temporarily in mind, here are some names my friend and I came up with while messaging our unusual, stream of consciousness thoughts back and forth one early morning. I can’t say if any of these are already out there. If they are, I don’t mean to bogart your greens. If not, they should be. And now I present, in no particular order of bleary-eyed importance…

~112 weed strains that haven’t been grown yet.~

1. I See Pizzas
2. Four Eyes
3. Cooked Pasta
4. Netflux
5. Brain Food
6. Did I Just Eat That
7. Glass Eyes
8. Three Days Later
9. Apocalypse Now
10. The Pizza Made Me Do It
11. Stupid Grin
12. Cookie Monster
13. Nine Lives
14. Reincarnation
15. Haunted Haze
16. Good N Plenty
17. Goodie Two Shoes
18. Mary’s Lost Baggie
19. Mary Jane’s Happy Dance
20. Mary Jane’s Cupboard
21. Mother Nature
22. Pass The Chips
23. Stale Potato Chips
24. The Dog Ate My Stash
25. Couch Lock
26. High Way
27. Meteorite
28. Grandpa’s Cane
29. Popcorn
30. The Game Of Stones
31. Roasted
32. Flower Child
33. High Sight Is 20/20
34. Double Vision
35. I Can’t Find My Face
36. I Can’t Feel My Ass
37. Lazy Boy
38. Floating Weeds
39. Short-Term Memory Loss
40. Baked Beans
41. Ghost Candy
42. This Bowls For You
43. My Joints Are Stiff
44. Love
45. Windows 3000
46. Caroline’s Window Box
47. Lawn Grass
48. Bogart’s Revenge
49. Silly Putty
50. Fried Brain Sandwiches
51. Don’t Eat The Koolaid
52. Winter Frost
53. Garden Weeds
54. Fantasy Island
55. Pinned To The Wall
56. Floppy French Fries
57. Vacation Days
58. Dry Mouth
59. Stones
60. Best Buds
61. Wilted Flowers
62. The Hills Have Highs
63. Greener Pastures
64. Mount Rush More
65. Rainbow Smoke
66. You Are Here
67. Lazy 420
68. Space Trees
69. Healthy Greens
70. Too Stoned To Text
71. X-Ray Vision
72. Heavy Eyelids
73. Are We There Yet
74. Red Eyed Beast
75. The Blunt Truth
76. Autumn Leaves
77. Stonewall Jackson
78. Harvey Wallbanger
79. Cream Puffs
80. Red Sunset
81. Blank TV Screen
82. Supernatural
83. Green Pieces
84. Contact High
85. Buzz Bunny
86. Comic Relief
87. Where The Fuck Am I
88. Time Traveler
89. Wild Fire
90. *Buzzy Bee*
91. Too High To Blink
92. Catnip Acres
93. Black Panther Kitties
94. Pot Of Gold
95. Cross-Eyed Pink Dragons
96. Puffy McPufferson
97. Dreamsicles
98. Fishing For Kitties
99. *T. H. Seas*
100. Party Plants
101. Three Days In The Joint
102. Laughing Grass
103. Afraid To Go To The Mailbox
104. Where Did I Put The Remote
105. Is This Sandwich Still Good
106. Spooky Action At A Distance
107. I Forgot What I Was Going To Say
108. Rolled Too Tight
109. Buzz Buddies
110. Happy Trees
111. Dome Baggie
112. All Fucked Up & No Place To Go

*A couple of those might be better suited to edibles…

Make of that what you will, but hey man… Name the stuff and let the stoners figure out what it means. A week later.

*Don’t steal our shit, man. We don’t have a stash.

~…a long time coming so don’t harsh the buzz.~

~…a little bit of experience and a whole lot of burning imagination.~

Disclaimer:
*All material copy written in a cloud of smoke.
*Original comedy routine, based on this random foggy brain matter, coming soon to a blank computer screen near you. Stay untuned for a YouTube video early 3019…er 2019. Whatever.

© Jazzi Ryan Ranes 2018
© Joe Jones 2018

© Joe In The Dark (the teddy bear with teeth) 2018
© T. H. Seas 2018
© Buzzy Bee Productions 2018

~All rights reserved.~

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