~Random Brainless Thoughts: Warning Labels~

Warning labels have never impressed me. People tend to act stupid and they can’t even read, or don’t want to. Sometimes they head so far up they ass they can see their own belly button. From the inside. Some people collect *Darwin Awards like I collect words.

I mean tide pods, dude. Do you really have to tell people not to eat those? And to keep them out of your kids reach? What ever happened to Mr. Yuk stickers? Get some, use them, and teach yer brats what they mean. Keep your kids away from your guns, drugs and sex life, people.

I saw a label on an iron packaging box, and I shit you not, it said, Do not iron clothing while wearing them. True story. …Danger. Do not hold the wrong end of chainsaw. Okay, I’ll keep that in mind.

And this one here… Do Not Swallow. …on the label of a hanger from a dry cleaner. You can swallow a hanger? I learn something new every day. Scariest part of this story? Somebody did this shit or there wouldn’t be a label. You got an extra *Darwin Award laying around?

Do we really need a label on that plastic packaging bag telling us NOT to put it over our head and suffocate to death? If you’re letting your kids play with stuff that needs a warning label, then you’re part of the problem.

How about this. “This product rolls when used.”…on a package of marbles. I’ll remember that the next time my square marbles start to roll away. I saw an egg carton that informed me there were eggs inside. I’m glad you told me that because I wasn’t sure what I was getting.

This is a good one. Product will be hot after cooking. You know, I’m thinking you may be right. A plastic bottle of soda with a bright red label that said, Warning – Drink then swallow. Swallowing is a reflex you dumb motherfu…. I thought I would chew mine if that’s okay.

And why do we have to have a sign that says, *Hair dryers for hair on head use only.* Well then. Or a tag that warns us not to use a hairdryer while sleeping? I’ll have to try that sometime since you said I shouldn’t. I didn’t know there were so many uses for a common hair dryer.

Maybe they should put one on boxes of bullets saying, *Too much lead is bad for your diet.*
Why don’t we take some of the labels off and let the morons sort themselves out of the gene pool? And don’t shoot the messenger…I’m just sayin’.

*https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darwin_Awards

*https://darwinawards.com/

You have pets? Remember they can’t read. They tend to be smarter than us in many ways. They even have a label on dog’s pills that warn to “Use care when driving a car or operating dangerous machinery. Alcohol may intensify the effect”. Even so, they don’t know that antifreeze can kill them. You keep some common sense about you and you’ll save a lot of heartache.

A final tip? Just don’t use the product if you can’t read.

~©Jazzi Ryan Ranes~

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